


Wishful Thinking

by olivemartini



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt, Romance, speculation for 1x10
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:03:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4487679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cameron was in a coma, and he wasn't waking up.<br/>Time was ticking, and despite the efforts of the best medical teams there are, things weren't looking any better.  Kirsten, Camille, and Linus take it upon themselves to stitch into Cameron, trying to use his memories and subconscious to get a message to him.  <br/>(Speculation for episode 1x10)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be multi chapter, and it's all about what I think this week's episode is going to be. I'll try to finish it before Tuesday night, but no promises. Also, the title is just a filler for right now. I'll change it once I think of a better one. (If you have any suggestions, please share.)

Everything had happened so fast. 

One moment Kirsten and Cameron were running, and the next they were both on the ground.  They were both looking at each other, the fear in their eyes evident even as they tried to hide it.  The sound of the SUV they were trying to escape got closer, tires screeching and guns going off and Kirsten was hit with the thought that maybe she and Cameron weren't going to be lucky.

They weren't going to get away.  Not this time. 

But Cameron was gripping her arm hard enough to leave a mark, and dragging himself over to her despite how bad he must be hurting, throwing himself onto her, acting as a kind of human shield.  Kirsten was suddenly having a new appreciation for the expression "life flashing before her eyes," watching moments between her and Cameron, her and Camille, and even Linus flash before her eyes, and she was hit with a feeling of regret so strong it hurt.  She was going to die. 

Except she wasn't the one who got hurt.

* * *

"That sort of technology hasn't been tested before.  We can't risk it." 

The whole lab watched the stand off between Kirsten and Maggie, both women with tears in their eyes and a desperation to make the other understand.  Maggie looked disheveled and off balance, her normally impeccable outfit wrinkled and make up smudged.  Kirsten, however, was wearing ripped clothes covered in dirt and blood (Cameron's blood), tears streaking down her face.  "Can't risk it?  Maggie, this is _Cameron._ "

"Let me rephrase: we cannot risk _you_.  Should this fail, which we all know it probably will, your consciousness will be stuck in Cameron's head until we rip you out of the stitch, and you will live the rest of your life as a breathing vegetable, with no way to fix you.  The Stitchers program needs you."  The lab had fallen completely silent except for the beeping of computers, and everyone could hear the sharp intake of breath from Camille. 

"And I need Cameron."

Kirsten was running out of arguments.  She couldn't accept that there was nothing she could do for Cameron, not when the solution was right in front of them.  "If you don't let me do this,"  Kirsten was already gathering up her things, preparing for a long, sleepless night beside a hospital bed.  "I will leave.  I will leave and never come back, and I will make sure to go so far off the grid you will never be able to find me, even if you have one hundred percent of the resources available to you looking.  So ask yourself: how bad does this program need me?"

Maggie only closed her eyes.  She had expected an argument like this, but wasn't prepared to handle it.  Did Kirsten really think that the whole lab didn't want to help Cameron?  He built this technology, but there was a chain of command, and despite what her team believed, Maggie wasn't at the top.  "This could kill you."

"So will Cameron's death."  Kirsten reached out to grab onto Maggie's arm, squeezing tight enough to leave a bruise.  "Let me do this."

There was a minute where Maggie couldn't find it in herself to even think of answering.  Here was this extraordinary young woman, who Maggie had promised countless people she would risk life and limb to protect, asking to face her death in order to save the boy she loved.  And Maggie knew that to most of those people she had promised, letting Kirsten do this would count as everything but protecting her, but to Ed... it would be what he would have wanted.  "Okay."  Her voice cracked, and for one second Maggie was worried she might start to cry in front of everyone.  "Stitch him."


	2. Chapter 2

"On my count.  3... 2...1." 

It was unsettling, to not have Cameron's voice in her ear, leading her through the stitch.  It wasn't that Kirsten didn't trust Camille to know how to work the computers and get her out of here alive, there just wasn't the instant connection that Kirsten and Cameron had.  Cameron knew when to talk and when not to, when Kirsten needed a guiding hand and when to give her a free reign.  Camille was trying to do the best she could, but it her nerves and fear were obvious even to Kirsten.  It was just another reminder of the horrible reason why she was in here, why she was preparing herself to pick through Cameron's deepest secrets and most private feelings. 

"Kirsten?  Where you at?"

"I... I'm above the lab.  Cameron's with Maggie... she's..."  Kirsten recognized the scene immediately.  This was the day that Maggie had told Cameron about stitching.  She had given him a choice, unlike with Kirsten.  Cameron said it was because Maggie knew that he would say yes.  "She's asking Cameron about being in the stitchers program."

"Alright.  Kirsten?  You can take as much time as you need here, since there's no danger of the brain breaking down.  Just get Cameron to wake up."  Camille's voice in her ear was an unwelcome distraction.  Kirsten stepped closed to Cameron, thinking how much younger he looked just a matter of months ago.  "check in from time to time, okay?"

Kirsten didn't answer.  She reached out to touch Cameron, running her hand over that stupid jacket he loved so much.  He didn't even look in her direction, not that Kirsten thought he would.  Silently, she followed them into the elevator, watching Cameron's eye light up as he took in the empty lab.  He walked through, occasionally stopping in front of a particularly impressive piece of technology. 

Slowly, he turned to Maggie.  "And you want me to do what, exactly?"

"We need someone to finish creating the technology.  You."

"Why me?"  He was baffled, and Kirsten could feel the shock that came from the memory.  This intense feeling that this was a dream, because he wasn't good enough to work in a place like this, that he wasn't smart enough.  "I'm flattered, but isn't this kind of out of my league?" 

Maggie smiled, and for once, Kirsten found the fact that she had a son believable.  It was a mother's smile, comforting and reassuring.  "I read your term paper, Cameron.  You're the best in your class, at one of the most prestigious colleges in the state.  No one else comes close."  Kirsten could sense Cameron's hesitation, and apparently so could Maggie.  "You can _help_ people here Cameron.  You'll do great things here."

Kirsten wanted to stay in Cameron's memories forever, to watch him at his best and his worst, to know every little thing about him. It was intoxicating, to watch him without fear of being caught, comforting to see him so happy and alive.  At the same time, though, Kirsten knew that would be the last thing Cameron would want.  He wouldn't want her knowing these things, any more than Kirsten would want him watching her feelings play out in front of him, like some kind of warped tv show. 

So she turned away from the memory in front of her.

"Cameron?  It's Kirsten."  Everything around her froze, changing into a kaleidoscope of memories swirling around her.  The sheer power of them made her dizzy, but she still caught snatches of them flashing by her.  The first day they met, the day they all got infected with the Spanish flu, her name flashing on a phone screen....  It went on and on, until Kirsten reached out a grabbed onto one, letting it pull her into a different memory. 

It was after the first stitch, with her in his bed and Cameron talking on the phone, his frustration evident.  "Linus, listen to me- no I don't care how hot she is!  I need-,"  There was a pause, and Cameron groaned.  "Of course she's attractive, she's beautiful, but why the hell does she have to stay at my place?  Do you realize how creepy this is going to look in the morning?"  Another pause.  "I know.  I know."  A sigh as he hung up.

Again, Kirsten wanted to watch the memory, see first hand this moment that she wasn't a part of.  But she had a job to do.  "Cameron.  Listen to me.  You are in a coma right now.  I stitched into you.  I'm trying to get you out, but...  I don't know how."  She paused, looking around, trying to find some sort of a sign.  "I don't know what to do here.  A little help would be nice."

There was no sound other than the mutterings of Camille and Linus.  Already, it felt as if Cameron's memories were becoming more like reality than what was waiting for her in the lab.  Maggie had warned her about this, that because of the bond between her and Cameron, it would be harder to separate what was real and what wasn't as time goes on.  This would not be a stitch she was going to come out of.  Not completely. 

"Cameron.  I need help."  Kirsten had never before been at such a loss of what to do.  She could feel him, feel Cameron's thought process change as she continued to walk through the memory, running her hands over the familiar items in his apartment.  "If you could send a sign, or bring me to a memory that's actually _helpful_ , that'd be great.  Please."

Without warning, the memory broke, and Kirsten found herself rushing through a tornado of memories, faces, and equations.  She recognized some of the equations from Cameron's notes on stitching, most of the faces from the lab, but more that must of been from before Cameron had met her.  Kirsten screamed, arms flailing as she tried to reach out to grab onto any memory, anything that could anchor her down to some version of reality.  She'd never been without a guide before, and she had no idea where to turn.  In fact, she didn't think she was in control of herself at all. 

"Kirsten?"  Camille's voice, harsh and panicked, was unwelcome.  "What's going on?  Your vitals are going crazy."

Vitals.  Why do they even track those?  It's not like they'd done any good for anyone yet.  "I think Cameron's realizing I'm here.  I'm fine." 

 _Fine for now,_ she thought miserably, watching glimpses of memories she had been a part of fly by her.  She had no sense of time, but it felt like she was flying at the speed of light.  It almost hurt, and there was a pressure building in her head that Kirsten was sure wasn't a good sign.  "Cameron?  If this is you, if you're in control of this, please stop.  I need a break."

The whole thing ground to a halt, and she was chucked out into the lab again, only this time it was completely empty, except for a frowning Cameron standing at his desk.  He was typing furiously at the controls.  Grabbing onto the fish tank to pull herself up, she squinted.  This didn't look like a Cameron that was running through a test run before the real deal.  This looked like the Cameron she saw on the security tape of Marta's stitch, when he was trying to do something that he wasn't sure was a good idea but he knew he had to.  Only he was five months older. He looked like _her_ Cameron. 

"Cam?"  She stumbled towards him, her brain pounding with the beginnings of a migraine.  "Is that you?"

The memory Cameron looked up, frowning at the interruption.  His expression only darkened when he saw who it was. 

"What the Hell are you doing here?"


	3. Chapter 3

"What the Hell are you doing here?"  Cameron abandoned the controls, making the whole thing go dark.  "Why are you wearing the cat suit?"

Kirsten blinked, stunned.  She had never been surprised before, but she had a feeling that's what this was.  "What am I doing here?  I'm trying to save your life!"

"Save my life?"  Cameron actually had the nerve to put his hand on her forehead like he was checking for a fever.  "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. You, on the other hand, are in danger.  You're in a coma right now, Cameron."  Kirsten reached out to grab onto his hand, trying to anchor herself to his consciousness as she felt his memories tug at her.  "Time's running out.  If you stay like this any longer, you're not going to wake up.  So I stitched into you, hoping I could wake you up.  Or at least find the reason you aren't waking up."  She took a second to look around her.  "Why are we in the lab?"

"I like being in the lab, alright?"  He ran a hand over his face.  "You really shouldn't have come in here.  Stitching into someone who's dead, who's mind is being operated purely by yours, is very different from being in a brain who already has a consciousness in control."

"Someone had to save you!"  Kirsten closed her eyes, counting to ten.  She didn't come here to fight.  "And right now, that someone is me.  And we have to find what's not letting you wake up."

"How _exactly_ are you going to do that?" 

Kirsten didn't want to think about that.   She didn't want to think about how their time was running out, and if this didn't work, it might be the last time she got to talk to Cameron.  She didn't want to think about the people counting on her, and how for once in her life she was completely lost at what to do.  "I'm working on that.  But I'm open to suggestions."

Cameron sighed, then turned back to the controls.  "There should be a trigger, a painful memory that I don't want to face.  Or something that I'm dwelling on that's keeping me from waking up.  So..."  He  began typing furiously.  "The brain works like a road map, at least the part where the memories are.  There's not a particular sense to them, so it's more like a maze than a straight shot, but there should be memories that are more charged than others and will draw you towards them, just like with a regular stitch.  And once you find the most charged memory and make the subject, which in this case is me, face it, they should wake up."

"Then let's do it." 

"should, Kirsten.  there's not a guarantee on this.  It's incredibly dangerous for you to be in here." 

Kirsten couldn't believe it.  After all of his "keeping you safe" bullshit, he's expecting her to just leave him?  She's technically the reason that he's in here in the first place.  "Cameron, I need you out there.  So we're either leaving together, or not at all."  There was a moment where they stared at each other.  "If you're not around, who's going to be there to take care of me?"

Maybe it was the I need you, or the ultimatum she gave him, or the veiled threat to do something stupid if he doesn't make it out, but Cameron was suddenly much more interested on finding a solution.  "Someone needs to go through the memories.  But I can't seem to leave this room..."

"I can."  Kirsten looked around.  "We've got the lab, right?  So maybe we can trick your brain into letting you control where I go?"

"Alright.  Yeah.  I mean, it's the same concept...."  Cameron typed into the computer, reviewing notes, changing formulas.  "As you talk, it should trigger different memories, and hopefully together we can lead you to the ones that will wake me up." 

Kirsten nodded once, trying to be brave despite the fear that was clawing at her chest.  Without deciding to, she launched herself at Cameron, hugging him tight and burying her head in his shoulder.  He stumbled back from the force of it, bumping into the wall behind them.  "This is going to work, right?"  Kirsten mumbled, eyes squeezed shut.  Maybe if she doesn't open them, she can pretend that they were in his apartment and this was all just a horrible nightmare.  "I can't lose you, Cameron."

"And you won't."  Cameron held her by the shoulders, looking into her eyes.  She saw a hint of panic in his face, and it made the lump in her throat grow bigger.  "This is going to work.  Okay?"

"Okay."  Kirsten allowed herself another minute to study his face, to put it into her memory in case things went wrong, before turning away from him.  She tried to hide the tear that was sliding down her face, but knew he saw.  She didn't like the look of defeat that was already in Cameron's eyes. 

She'd done a lot of things that could be considered brave, or hard to make it through, but they didn't even come close to climbing into that fish tank.  She was about to see Cameron in a way that neither of them truly wanted her to know.  There was a horrible thought in the back of her mind, that this might be her last chance to tell him everything.  But how could she do that if she didn't know what words to say? 

"Alright Stretch, here we go..."  There was a crack in Cameron's voice, one that she was sure would develop into a full break down if they watched each other every longer.  So Kirsten closed her eyes, cutting off the sight of the stranger who had become her whole world.  "Whatever you see in there, just remember-,"

But she was already plunging into a memory, and she never heard what she needed to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my logic for the "how to wake up a dying person from a coma" is coming from Supernatural, so this probably isn't going to go along with the Stitchers technology or real logic. Basically Kirsten is trying to find the memory that Cameron doesn't want to face.


	4. Chapter 4

The first memory Kirsten was sent to was when Cameron was twelve.

He was sitting on the swings, alone, while a group of kids ran around him.  She could see a group of girls in the corner pointing at him, and the boys rolling their eyes in his direction.  Cameron could see them, too, and she felt her stomach drop at the look on his face.  "You still with me, Stretch?  Talk to me."

"You're at a party.  A little kid's birthday, judging by the cake.  You.. You're sitting alone on the swings."  Almost unable to stop herself, she took a step forward, touching the kid's arm.  She wanted to tell this little kid that he grew up to be better than those snot nosed brats running around the yard, that he was going to be a hero some day. And how many people got to say that?

"Yeah.  Well.  I'll try to bring you closer to the present." 

There was nothing for Kristen to do but watch as more kids ran around Cameron, and the look on his face became more and more hopeless.  He was such a cute kid, with the same curly hair, even messier back then.  The kids didn't care about how smart he was, or how sweet, or how funny, all they cared about was that he couldn't kick around a stupid soccer ball. 

A woman walked over towards Cameron, wineglass in hand.  "Mom, can I go play?"

"Sweetie, you know you can't.  Not with-,"

"My heart, I know."  Kirsten was sure it was a conversation they had millions of times before, if Cameron's sour expression was any indication. 

"Why don't you have one of your friends come sit with you?"  It was a question, but the woman didn't stay to answer.  She was interrupted by the ringing of her phone, and walked away, already forgetting about her son.

Cameron watched her for a moment, then screwed up his face and stared into the sky.  (He was counting the clouds, Kirsten knew.  It was something he did when he was bored.  Now she understood why.)  "She acts like I have any."

"It was my cousins party."  Cameron said into her ear, suddenly.  "It's weird, I can tell what I'm showing you."

"I never had any friends when I was-,"  Kirsten cut her own comment off, the image around her dissolving, running together like water color paints.  "what are you doing?"

"I-I don't know."  He sounded strained.  "When you said friends, a part of the neurons in my brain lit up on the screen, so I clicked on it."

"You just clicked on it?"  Kirsten wasn't an expert, but it didn't seem like a very safe way to go about things. 

"Where are you now?"

Kirsten took a second to look around.  "Your apartment.  I'm here.  So is Linus and Camille.  We... It's that night we all stayed up too late together and tried to make cupcakes, remember?"

"Yeah."  She could hear the smile in his voice.  "That was fun.  We got more icing on ourselves, didn't we?" 

"Yeah.  So I guess the four of us is what you think of when we say friends, right?"  Kirsten gave herself a second to watch.  She was running away from Camille, only to crash right into Cameron, getting wrapped into a bear hug.  Icing was splattered everywhere, but the mess had been worth, even though it was hell to try and clean up.  "Better move on though.  Maybe find something that has to do with stitching?"

"Right."  There was another clicking sound in her ear, and the colors dissolved once more, throwing her into the lab.  It wasn't the lab she knew, not calm and orderly and efficient.  This one had people yelling and parts moving and equipment still being set up.  "Keep talking, this isn't where we want to be yet."

"Maybe when I was there?" 

"Alright, Kirsten, hold on."  There was a pause and she could hear a few key strokes and clicks as he tried to move her.  "Try saying your name."

"What?"

"Just trust me."

She rolled her eyes, still drinking in the sight of Cameron alive and okay, a little overwhelmed with the business of his lab.  "Alright.  Kirsten."

There was another click.  "You... Well, you're everywhere.  So I'm just going to send you into the middle.  And hopefully... hopefully you can sort out where to go.  Because I..."

"Cameron?  Cameron, what's wrong?"  He seemed to be out of breath.  For a second, the image around her blurred around the edges, the colors dimming and the images softening, like it was from a dream she couldn't remember.  "Something's happening."

"We don't have much time.  I don't think I'm doing too hot."  Kirsten could hear the pain in his voice.  "Kirsten, you have to bounce out.  I can't help you much longer."

That was terrifying.  Kirsten didn't like stitching without him, but for some reason she had been certain that Cameron would be able to help her from the inside.  But now, with even that gone, she would be truly alone.  She wanted nothing more than to find her way back to the memory Cameron, to stay with him in this make believe lab and let everyone else figure it out.  She was terrified to leave him.  But she needed to save him.  "Just do it, Cameron.  Get me wherever you can, I'll do the rest."

"Are you sure?  Kirsten..." 

There was something there, in his voice, that she couldn't place.  There was something more than the question, it was more like a plea for her to stay safe.  "I'll be fine.  Just trust me."

And he did.  He always trusted her.


End file.
